Love is balance.
I don’t think I truly understood this balance until recently. Most times, I’d find myself at this place of confusion because I am constantly thinking of the things I’ve done in a relationship, or where I was in life, and what my expectations were. I’ve been confused because I didn’t understand why I was ready for someone and they weren’t ready for me. I didn’t consider this balance. I didn’t leave room for compromise.
Ricardo Picasso, 24, has a unique perspective on the concept of understanding. He reminded me that just as women go through our phases, need time and clarity, and set ourselves up for being ready for love, men do the same. And while we might not always understand this process, it is one that is essential for their growth and ultimately the future of our relationships. We’re all different in our processes, but the hope for the result is the same. We just want to be ready for love. This is his story.
Tell me about your love life. Are you single, are you in a relationship, married, divorced?
Currently I’m single. I’ve been meeting different women as usual, but it doesn’t really transpire to anything much more. It’s like did this, done that. I was going through five tendencies that I’m not really too fond of.
What are some of the tendencies that you aren’t fond of that’s making it seemingly hard to find someone?
I wouldn’t even say it’s hard, but I just have this big issue with people being themselves. I’m big on accepting people for who they are, but a lot of times, I don’t feel like people are always genuine. One minute they’re like this awesome person, like a friend, and then over time you start to see them differently. And it comes to you like: this isn’t more of a friend, this is somebody that I may not really get along with. People start to do things that I don’t like.
Are you looking to be in a relationship?
Honestly, yes. I am but I know what I want and I don’t plan on settling. Until I find that little key piece, I don’t feel like I should settle for a relationship because I do want to take a relationship serious. I don’t want it to be like, “Oh well, you know, we’re just dating, and oh, it didn’t work out.” I think I’ve done that enough in the past.
What do you think that key piece is, or do you think it’s one of those things that’ll come to you and you’ll just know?
It’s a little mixture of the two, I think everybody is different when it comes to what they’re looking for. But for me it is definitely having that friendship. I mean having that friendship for understanding my personality. I play a lot but I’m very serious at the same time. So, I may be dead serious and I’ll be laughing at the same time, but more or less I’m very serious about my feelings. Respect my feelings as a friend, but also be here as a lover, if that makes sense.
Yeah, I definitely think it does. I mean in all things you need a balance, and I think in love we kind of forget that. In relationships, you wear all these different hats. Sometimes, it’s like, “Okay, I’m your girlfriend right now, so I may not be able to be as loose with you as I was before but when we were talking.” But I think people are supposed to be flirty and fun. I think people kind of lose that spark. And maybe that could be a reason why things change or why people change.
That’s definitely true. But also, it’s a matter of being open and honest about how you feel. It may sound bad, but don’t hide your feelings from me. If I did something that bothers you, I rather you tell me it bothers you and we talk about it and we get over it or we don’t get over it, but don’t hide. I want to see your real emotion. I’m a button pusher. I want to know what buttons to push, what’s going to irritate you. I’m going to do things that I know probably is going to get on your nerves just so I can see how you’ll react. I want to see how comfortable you get around me. I don’t want it to be three years down the line and you’re like, “Well, every time you made fun of me about my forehead, I’ve been insecure about my forehead my whole life.” I want you to be open and honest at all times.
It’s funny that you require this open honesty, when I can’t help but feel like a lot of the guys that I’ve known are the exact opposite of that. Are you as open with your feelings?
It takes time. It takes a certain level of trust. I try to do it little by little, and I like to hang out and date. I like to say something and see how you react to it. Then see if I can be open with you at all, but I may not be as open as I do require. I can admit that. It’s just because that’s how I am. I’m not going to say I’m timid or I’m shy, but it takes a while for me to get comfortable with people.
Where does that stem from? That hesitancy of being open?
Believe it or not when I was younger, it was more of an insecurity. It took a lot to accept somebody actually liking me for me. And growing up I was never really the ideal guy, the ideal person that people would be attracted to so when I did try to express my feelings to people growing up it was kind of like, “Stop playing. Oh, you not cool,” “What’re you talking about?” So, it made me become a shell at one point. That took a while to break out of it but it’s still there.
How long have you been single?
A couple of years. I’ve been single since 2012.
Do you feel like no one has come across that fit your standards, the key point?
I’ll say people have came along, but we weren’t on the same page so maybe they were that for me but I wasn’t that for them. And then vice versa. I feel like there’s a little bit of both I haven’t really found where it’s equal.
Have you ever been in love before?
I haven’t been in love, but I have love for someone, a lot of people.
What’s the difference?
Being in love is just a certain type of feeling, a certain type of commitment, it’s an experience that you share with that person. I’m not going to say that you can’t share with anybody else, but it’s somewhat unexplainable because you just get different types of emotions. Everybody loves for different reasons. And everybody falls in love for different reasons, but when you love someone it’s like you deeply care about that person. You care about that person’s health, you care about that person’s well-being, you want that person to do good. Having love is more of a natural feeling. Less commitment, or want, it’s just natural.
Have you ever experienced, a love or a girl that’s gotten away?
I would say yes, but no because I feel like she got away but I feel like I wasn’t ready. Maybe she prepared me for somebody else so I want to say yes because she was an amazing girl. I feel like if we were to interact to this day mentally where I’m at and where she was from when I know her, we’ll be amazing together but I don’t know. I want to say yes, but I want to say no also.
What is being ready?
As men we have certain things that we live by. We’re prideful and we can’t help it. So, when you’re ready you can be ready for different reasons. You can be ready financially, mentally, physically, emotionally. I don’t think a lot of people balance those things out. When you’re ready you gotta be ready emotionally as man. If I’m not ready financially to be in a relationship, I should not be in a relationship. Emotionally, if I don’t know which direction I want to take your feelings, I should not get in a relationship. If physically I’m not satisfied with myself, I should not be in a relationship. This is because once you get into a relationship with this person, their problems will become your problems and vice versa.
When you start to care about somebody, you start to have love with somebody, believe it or not when something effects them it effects you. That’s when you know you’re ready when you’re ready to share that with somebody, and you’re ready to not hurt them because you don’t want to be in a relationship where you’re just constantly hurting somebody over little actions.
Do you expect women to wait while you get ready?
No. I have, I used to. I used to think the ideal woman was, the girl that you meet when you’re younger and then she waits for you to become the man that you are. I used to think that was the ideal woman because I thought that’s what women were supposed to do, but I don’t expect women to wait until I get ready. I appreciate it if you do, but I wouldn’t advise anybody to wait. Because I know me personally, I act off of feelings so I feel you should do exactly how you feel. If you want to wait, I appreciate it. Amen to you, but I would not advise it.
If you could give any advice to a guy who wants to be ready but isn’t ready yet, what would you say?
I’d ask them what are they actually looking for. Are you actually looking for a relationship? Are you just looking for someone to talk to? What are you actually looking for, and then know what you bring to the table, know what you offer. Know your worth and be ready to do it a lot because women are a lot. They’re great, but they are a lot. Know your worth, know what you bring to the table, and ask yourself are you willing to compromise?
100 Days of Dating 